I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize