im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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