He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
