also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
thus making me awesome and them whores
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
