I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
