You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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