Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
