I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
