If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
