Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
