No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
