I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
