My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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