I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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