Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize