Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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