her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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