I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
