Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
