no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
