i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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