he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
