At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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