Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
