Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
