Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
