saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
