I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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