it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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