the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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