We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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