Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My vagina is very pro this idea
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
