this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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