i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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