she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
