You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
