I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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