I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
