Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
