She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
