i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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