thus making me awesome and them whores
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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