Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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