The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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