Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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