It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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