Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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