just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
