Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
