im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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