...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
