I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
