and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
