I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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