well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
