That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
