The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
