I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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