youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
