Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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