There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
