I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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