This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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