I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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