nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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