The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize