you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
