I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
