I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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