Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Randomize
