i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
