So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
